


drunk off of nothing but of each other until the sunrise (i swear to god it was the best night of my life)

by RoseofWinterfell



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Bittersweet, Canon Divergance, F/M, Getting Together, and actually not kids..., and adults, but like it's up to interpriation, but not really, im not sure tbh, or au, possibly implied unsafe sex, sexual referances but nothing super explict, what ever you want - Freeform, wrap it before you tap it kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:15:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24876022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoseofWinterfell/pseuds/RoseofWinterfell
Summary: The night before Kie leaves for collage JJ finally makes a move.It's the start and end of something all at once.-He’s not sure why he does it. Maybe because he’s going to miss her. Maybe because he thinks it’s probably one of the last chances he’ll get to do it. Or maybe it just because he’s wanted to do it for a long time and she’s right there and when she rejects him it won’t matter anyway because she’ll be gone tomorrow.
Relationships: JJ Maybank/Kiara Carrera
Comments: 34
Kudos: 178





	drunk off of nothing but of each other until the sunrise (i swear to god it was the best night of my life)

**Author's Note:**

> And I'm back.
> 
> I've got another almost finished wip that should be out soon and then I'll be focusing on writing for Jiara week!
> 
> Title is from The Harold Song by Kesha, not plot relevant but it came on while I was writing this and it's just a vibe fam.
> 
> Do you ever have an idea that you love so much but then lowkey hate it after you've written it.. this is that. Please enjoy anyway and imagine all it could have been.

The hammock swings back and forth in the breeze as they lay in silence and stare through the branches of the tree above them to the night sky. JJ can feel the warmth of Kie next to him, radiating into his body, reminding him that she’s still there, that she hadn’t left. _Yet._

John B and Pope hadn’t long left, retreated inside to sleep. They stayed, talking about nothing in particular. Soaking up their last night together for who knows how long.

The talking and laughter died out and they’ve been silent for longer than JJ is comfortable with. It’s not that he minds sitting in silence with Kie, or that the silence in itself is uncomfortable, quite the opposite of that actually. It’s just that he knows the longer this silence goes on the closer it gets to Kie saying with a yawn that she’s going to bed. And then the night will be over, the morning will come and she’ll be gone. She’ll leave for collage, leave the OBX, leave the Pouges, leave _him_.

Kie's not the only one. Pope’s leaving too, in a couple days. John B says he’s not planning on going anywhere, but JJ knows his best friend. He’s knows he’s destined for more than working shitty jobs in The Cut. So he’ll be alone, because this life is all he’s good for, because his friends have a future. And the only thing he see’s when he thinks of his is them, and them slowly slipping away from him.

The selfish part of him wants them to stay, wants everything to stay the same forever. He knows that’s not fair on them, and it can’t happen. But it doesn’t stop him from wanting it.

JJ rolls onto his side to face Kie, propping him self up so he can look her in the eye as he speaks.

‘You’re gonna come back right?’

They’ve had this conversation before, a few times actually, but he needs to hear it again.

‘Not if you keep asking me that question,’ she teases.

Her smile falls when she notices him not laughing along.

‘Yes JJ, I’m gonna come back,’ she brings up a hand to gently run across his shoulder, ‘for all the holidays and breaks. And then once I graduate I’ll still come and visit mum and dad.’

He nods slowly trying to let the words comfort him. They don’t. All they do is remind him that she’s not planing on coming back after she graduates. When she leaves tomorrow she only coming back to visit, not to live.

‘And I might even visit you while I’m at it,’ she gives his cheek a playful pinch, her laugh trying it’s best to lighten the solemn mood he’s created.

It’s works a bit, Kie’s smile is hard to ignore. He cracks one in return as he looks down on her, the light of the moon lighting her up, casting soft shadows across her face.

He’s not sure why he does it. Maybe because he’s going to miss her. Maybe because he thinks it’s probably one of the last chances he’ll get to do it. Or maybe it’s just because he’s wanted to do it for a long time and she’s right there and when she rejects him it won’t matter anyway because she’ll be gone tomorrow.

He tries to be slow as he leans down, tries not to ambush her a gives her plenty of time to turn away and act like he wasn’t trying this. She doesn’t move, just stares back up at him, and he figures that’s the closest he’s going to get to permission.

When his lips brush against her’s she welcomes them, she pushes up slightly to meet them and gently move with his.

He pulls away after a second, not far, just enough to look at her, his eyes flicking back and forth between her’s trying to gauge her reaction. Kie doesn’t say anything, but she’s not pulling away, just laying below him breathing softly. JJ leans in again, more confident this time, and once again she welcomes the contact.

The kiss is slow and soft, his hand comes up to the bottom of her head to tangle his fingers in her hair. He’s never kissed anyone like this before, never felt the need to. Never kissed anyone like there was no rush, despite how he felt just moments ago, like he’d be happy to do this and just this forever. Only ever kissed rough and messy and fast, with people he only wanted one thing from, never kissed anyone wanting that touch to say everything he couldn’t bring himself to do, never kissed slow but still passionate, sweet but still hot, conscious but still heated.

Kie starts pushing at his shoulder and turning her head to break away, JJ instantly pulls back laying back on his side away from her. His heart keeps beating fast but for a completely different reason now. She lets out a long deep breath, looking to the sky before turning on her side to mirror him, her pupils are blown and her lips are red and slightly swollen, and JJ might take some pride in doing that to her if he wasn’t so preoccupied preparing for the rejection she was building up to.

‘JJ, why-‘ she cuts her self off, biting her lip, and her eyes start darting around looking everywhere but at him.

‘I’m sorry,’ it’s a reflex response, a practiced one. Every time he played this out in his head, thought in a moment about doing it, the same thing always happens. She turns him down, and he say sorry. S _orry, I’m drunk. Sorry, I’m high. Sorry, but you can’t blame a man for trying,_ with a smirk and a chuckle brushing it off like it’s nothing.

‘What? No, JJ. I-‘ her hand comes up to cup his cheek, ‘I just- why now?’

It’s not a rejection. He doesn’t think. But she asking him to talk about it, share his feeling, that’s not something he’s ever been good at, he’s always been a lot better with actions. He tries to drop his head so he doesn’t have to look at her when he speaks but her hand stays firm against his skin and doesn’t let him move. 

‘I just figured it’s now or never right,’ he licks his lips, ‘and if you were going to reject me, you’ll be gone tomorrow anyway.’

She nods slowly at him, processing his words.

‘Are you drunk?’

They’d been drinking all day but anything he’d had had worn off long ago.

‘No,’ he whispers shaking his head lightly.

‘Are you high?’

He almost laughs at that one, because he is, but he usually is, and he’s still thinking clearly.

‘I’m still functioning.’

Yeah, he wants to kiss her when he’s high. And he wants to kiss her when he’s drunk. But he still wants to kiss her when he’s stone cold sober, shit he want’s to do a lot with her when he’s stone cold sober. The only difference is the weed in his system helped him grow a pair and do something about it.

‘I just wanted to kiss you, have for a long time,’ he moves a little closer, Kie seems to be responding to all this a lot better than she expected her to, ‘why’d you kiss me back?’

She bites her lip again and she really got to stop doing that if she wants him to concentrate.

‘I just wanted to kiss you,’ she repeats his words back to him with a smile, ‘have for a long time.’

Something jumps deep inside him at her words. He’d never really thought that she’d want him too, sure there’d be times she’d flirt back before telling him off, but they were few and far between, and she would roll her eyes far more than she would smile at his advances. He had figured at most by kissing her he’d just know for sure, maybe catch her in a moment of weekness and she’d take pity him.

Never this. Have for a long time. Jesus christ-

He surges forward again, this time a little harder and little more desperate for her, but still slow, still sweet. She meets his lips in kind, her hand wraps around the back of his head and pulls him into her more.

JJ places his hand on her hip, his thumb gently grazing the skin between the top of her shorts and where her shirt had slightly ridden up. It’s all he’s game to do, he knows if he starts touching her the way he wants to he won’t be able to stop, and he doesn’t want to push her too far, overstep and have her retreat, to freak her out and have all this stop.

So he holds back, settles for the small expanse of skin he can call his, lets his mouth and tongue do all the touching, all the exploring, and the rest of it can happen in his head. And god, does it happen in his head. It’s not like it hasn’t before but now that she’s here with him, right at his finger tips, he can’t control them. He thinks about trailing his hand up her shirt, brushing over her skin, he can feel breasts against his chest, moving with her breaths and imagines what it would be like to have them in his hand, how she’d squirm against him as he played with her nipple.

He thinks about going lower instead, slipping his hand under her shorts, into her underwear, working her over. He wonders how quickly she’d come undone from his fingers, how she’d sound. His grip on her hip tightens trying to stop his hand from moving, it's practically shaking in anticipation, he wants, needs, to know if she’s wet yet - if she thinking the same things as him.

He’s thinking about her lips and her tongue, about how good they feel against his own and about how they would feel wrapped around him. He knows one thing, he wouldn’t last very long, and he couldn’t even bring himself to be embarrassed, instead finding the perfect way to make it up to her.

God. How does she taste?

Keeping his lips locked on Kie’s, JJ tries to subtly shuffle back in the hammock so their bodies aren’t pushed flush together, angling his hips away before she feels him hard against her and calls him a pig and accuses him of just trying to get in her pant’s or something.

He doesn’t go far before her leg is coming up and hooking over his hips and pulling him back into her. She rolls her hips against him moans softly into his mouth, JJ pulls away enough to breathe _fuck_ against her.

Kie bites her lip and tilts her head up in challenge, as she tightens her legs grip around him again. JJ takes the hint and rocks against her again, she shutters out another breathy moan and her lips come back to his briefly. She then presses small kisses along his jaw line, nipping at his skin a couple of times before moving down his neck.

Before they kissed JJ was certain he was crazy about Kie, now, he’s down right certifiable. From the way she feels against him, to the sounds she makes, to the way she not shy about letting him know exactly what she wants, which seems to be lining up pretty well with what he wants. All of it is gonna send him around the bend, and he can’t even bring himself to care.

She keeps sucking at a point of his neck, vibrations rippling along his skin every time he grinds into her. Kie starts leaning into him, not letting it slow down her lips movements, pushing him over onto his back so she can straddle his lap.

It’s too late before he’s realised what’s happening.

‘Wait. No. Shit.’

He calls out, his hand flailing to the other side to try grab onto the hammock and steady them, which turns out to be the wrong thing to do as all it does is help lift up the other side quicker, throwing them out to land on the hard dirt with a thud.

JJ falls right next to the hammock, Kie’s fall is partially softened by him but then she rolls through the dirt and sticks a couple of metres away from him. He lets out a groan as he sits up, bringing a knee up to help stretch out his back and then leaning on it and looking at Kie who’s rolling on her back laughing.

He shakes her head at her and reaches up behind him rubbing his neck, he’s pretty sure he landed on a rock.

‘Fuck me,’ he mutters, rolling his shoulders.

‘That’s what I was trying to do,’ she starts laughing harder as she talks, ‘and look where that got us.’

It’s impossible not to join in, when Kie laughs its infectious, you can try and fight it but it will always get to you. Standing up he stretches out, tries to shake the dirt off and ruffles his hair before walking the couple steps to Kie.

He holds out his hand to help her off and she takes it without question. When she’s standing she doesn’t let go of his hand, only grips it tighter as she steps into his space, she’s stoped laughing completely. Kie pushes up on her toes slightly and presses her lips to his for a moment.

‘Come on,’ she says when she pulls away and turns towards the chateau pulling him by his hand behind her.

They sneak up the stairs to the back porch, past where Pope is passed out on the couch and then the empty pull out waiting for Kie to retire to. JJ’s pretty sure that’s not happening tonight when they walk straight past it and to his room.

She doesn’t let go of his hand until the door shut behind them, she takes a couple steps away and turns to watch him where he leans against the door. He really doesn’t want to be presumptuous by locking it, but all signs of the night are leading that way and it’ll probably be a whole lot worse if he doesn’t and someone interrupts them than Kie teasing him for assuming.

He locks it and then moves towards her, stopping when they are chest to chest and bringing his hands up to cup her cheeks. He stops himself when their lips brush.

‘Are you sure about this?’

Kie nods, ‘yeah,’ she whispers out, ‘JJ, please.’

That’s all he needs to hear, closing the gap between them, then lifting her up and carrying her to the bed.

He tries his best to keep quite, the Chateau is small and has unbelievably thin walls. It’s something that has never bothered him before, more than happy to advertise what he’s doing. But it’s different with Kie, he doesn’t want the boys to know about this, to be part of it, he just wants it to be between them, about them. But the bed is old and squeaks at every movement, and the wobbly headboard bangs against the wall at every thrust no matter what he does, and Kie keeps making small moans and whimpers that are quite but still manage to echo down the hall, and really they sound so good that he wouldn’t want to stop them even if he could.

‘Fuck, I-‘ he starts saying into her neck before he catches himself.

I love you.

That’s what he was going to say, it’s on the tip of his tongue. He means it, he may have never said it to anyone before but he knows he means, has felt it for a while now. But he can’t say it, nows this is not the time or the place and it would ruin everything.

He pulls back from her neck to look in her eyes.

‘I’m gonna miss you,’ he finishes, because it’s the best he can do for now.

The look she gives him, the soft way she pushes his hair out of his eyes and strokes the side of his face, makes him think she knows what he wanted to, what he was going to, say anyway.

‘I’m going to miss you too,’ she says it against his lips and it almost sounds like _I love you too,_ but maybe it’s just wishful thinking and he searching for hidden messages in her words that aren’t there.

Thankfully he manages to last long enough for her to cum, he may only get to do this once and he’d never forgive himself if he didn’t give her a good time. She reaches behind herself and grips the headboard with one hand, wraps the other tightly in his hair as she falls apart, her legs shaking around him, and her face scrunches up as her mouth falls open with a drawn out scream that almost defiantly woke up John B and Pope. It’s just about the hottest thing he’s ever seen and he knows he’s never forgetting about it.

He buries his head in her neck and bites down on her skin to stifle the grunt that comes as he does. He doesn’t want to move after, doesn’t want to pull away from her touch, move off her or out of her, so he doesn’t. He just kisses her, lazily and messily, between laboured breathes trying to catch it.

Eventually, he does roll away laying down next to her on the other side of the bed, he reaches across the expanse between them, the distance feeling far too much, and grabs her hand and props it up in the air as he plays with her fingers.

‘So you’re telling me,’ he breaks the silence, ‘we could have been doing this the whole time?’

Kie sits up facing him, sitting cross legged and holding the sheet up to her chest, he really wishes she wouldn’t, and smiles.

‘I mean, not the _whole_ time, but yeah.’

She looks at their hands, and loosely intertwines their fingers.

‘Think of all the missed opportunities,’ she jokes because the alternative would be sad.

They could joke about it, or they could think about the fact that they wasted so much time and only got their shit together right before she’s about to leave.

JJ stretches out and looks to his other side where a small clock sits on his bedside table.

‘Well, we have about 7 hours left, better make the most of it.’

‘Oh yeah?’ She grins at him and leans forward a little, dropping her voice, ‘let’s see what you can do with 7 hours then.’

‘Slow down, I’m gonna need 10 minutes.’

No matter how much he wants to he doesn’t think he has a rebound time that quick.

‘Maybe a sandwich,’ he adds with a teasing smile.

Kie presses her lips together and deadpans, ‘I’m not making you a sandwich.’

‘Oh come on,’ he pouts in mock protest, ‘a performance like that’s got to be worth at least a sandwich.’

She just fixes him with a hard glare that doesn’t quite sell and raises her eyebrows.

‘Fine,’ he tugs on her hand trying to pull her over to him, ‘at least come sit on my face then.’

She barks out a laugh of shock at his words.

‘How do you manage to make that shit sound charming?’

‘It’s a skill.’

He raised an expectant eyebrow at her and tugs on her hand again when she doesn’t move. She then seems to get the hint that he wasn’t even slightly joking.

‘Okay then, that I can do.’

Her bottom lips pulls between her teeth as she starts to crawl to him. The sheet falls from her body as she moves, and he’s pretty sure he’s not going to need the sandwich.

———-

It takes Kie a moment to register where she is when she wakes, she’s not at home in her bedroom, nor is she on the pull out couch in The Chateau. All it takes is the the smell of weed and salt water to register and the slight ache between her leg to remind her of the night before.

She turns to her side to look at JJ, he’s still fast asleep laying on his back, an arm draped over his face haphazardly and soft snores escaping his mouth. He looks so peaceful, the the hard lines and tensed muscles that typically make him up have softened.

Her gaze flicks past him to the clock on the nightstand, _shit._ She has to leave soon, her parents were adamant that if she was going to spend her last day in the Outer Banks with the boys she couldn’t be late home, Anna had them on a very strict timeline for the trip.

Kie sits up, bringing the sheet with her when she realises even though she had pulled on JJ’s shirt she had nothing underneath it, and looks back at JJ. Pulling up the sheet had pulled it partially off him and she let’s her eyes rake over the new expanse of skin. She’s him shirtless more times than she can count but never has she had the opportunity properly drink him in, even last night she’d been more focused on him than his body, it’s nice to have the opportunity to, at least once before she goes.

There’s a small bruise contrasting against his skin at the bottom of his neck, she smiles when she spots it, it’s nice to know that he’ll be left with a reminder of her, that she was there, once she gone. Even if it is only for a couple days.

Part of her doesn’t want to wake him, to just leave and keep last night as their goodbye, a simple moment between them, a perfect goodbye. She knows if she wakes him they’ll have to talk, actually say good bye. They’ll have to talk about how even though last night should have been the start of something it’s more like an end. About how even though she wants to, has for a long time, wants to be with him, now isn’t the time and they will be better if they just stay friends.

Shit, she doesn’t even know if that’s what he would have wanted. Maybe he just wanted to do that once, and her leaving was the perfect time to do it, so he didn’t have to follow up.

That’s why they need to talk, they need to clear the air before she goes, she knows that. Otherwise the night will just hang over them, with all the things that were left unsaid.

Kie moves to rest on her knees and then leans over, pressing her lips softly to JJ’s. He lets out a small groan, waking up from the contact, and instinctively his lips start to move against her, messy and lazily as he pulls himself out of sleep.

She pulls away slightly as JJ removes his arm from over his eyes, he squints his eyes and blinks a couple times adjusting to the light. He seems confused when he first sees her above him, inches from his face, but it doesn’t take long for him to register, smiling brightly at her and his bringing his hand to the back of her head to pull her down for another kiss, his movements more purposeful.

‘Morning,’ she whispers against his lips when she pulls away again.

He doesn’t let her move far keeping his grip on the back of her head.

‘Morning,’ his smile is wide, and he’s looking at her in a way that gives Kie butterflies.

She cups his check, softly running her thumb back and forth against his skin, she doesn’t want to say it, doesn’t want to ruin the mood but she know’s she needs to otherwise she’ll just stay here, in this moment, smiles and kisses and whispered words, wrapped up in the sheets, this perfect moment, forever.

‘I have to leave soon.’

Instantly his face falls, like he’d forgotten, he slowly nods and swallows hard. Kie pulls back a little more and drags her hand down his face, then his neck and finally rests on his chest.

‘Yeah, okay,’ he practically breathes.

Not looking her in the eye he watches his fingertips play with the end of one of her braids, seeming to having as much trouble as her to find the right thing to say. Kie takes a deep breath and looks at her hands tracing patterns on his chest.

Now or never.

‘JJ, last night…’ his hand stops moving in her hair, she still doesn’t look at him but she can feel his eyes on her now, ‘I couldn’t think of a better way to spend my last day here.’

Plucking up the courage she turns to him, he’s staring back with his mouth open and soft eyes. He doesn’t move to talk so she continues.

‘And if things were different I-‘ she struggling to find the right words, ‘I mean I’ve wanted this, this and more, for a long time now and I just-‘

Cutting herself off again Kie sits back up, pulling away from JJ and letting the sheet pool in her lap. She’s suddenly so unsure of herself, last night she had been certain he felt the same way but now in the light of day, as she says the words she thinking maybe she got it all wrong.

‘And I- I don’t know how you feel. It’s just. I think this could’ve been… something great. But you know, I’m leaving and the timing is shit and if we… But we didn’t you know. And last night was great but it’s like…’

She’s not making a whole heap of sense, she knows that, she’s having trouble forming a full thought, narrowing down exactly what part she needs to talk about. JJ seems equally confused by her words, his forehead scrunched and his brows pulled together. It’s cute as hell and it takes all her will power to not lean down and kiss him, she’s gotten pretty good at not kissing him when she wants to over the years.

‘Are you…’ he tilts his head to the side, ‘trying to break up with me before we’re even together?’

There’s a level of humour in his voice and it makes Kie laugh, short and strangled but a laugh none the less. She drops her head and picks at her nails.

‘I don’t know. I just want you to know that, I want to, I just don’t think it’s a good idea.’

JJ reaches out and touches her knee, the thin material of the cheap sheets separates them but his touch still comforts her.

‘Hey, Kie, I get it. Not exactly the best time to start something right?’

‘Yeah,’ she whispers dropping her head again.

She feels the bed shift as JJ sits up and shuffles over next to her.

‘So we just stay friends, and at least we had last night. No point wondering what could’ve been if we got our shit together earlier.’

There may not be a point in wondering, but it doesn’t stop her from doing it.

‘No regrets?’ Her words are hesitant, she doesn’t really believe them, but its the best she’s got.

‘No regrets.’

He reaches his hand out and she slaps it with her own, palm to palm and then the backs of their hands and then they click. It’s oddly reassuring, doing their pouge handshake, like it reminds her that they are still them, that no matter what they’ll still be best friends.

A silence falls over them for a couple minutes before Kie breaks it, not being able to keep her thoughts at bay.

‘Why _did_ you wait until now to make a move?’

JJ shrugs, ‘Figured you rejecting me would’ve been easier to take if you were gone.’

Her fingers fiddle with the linen pooled in her lap, ‘Why would you assume I’d reject you?’

The sound he lets out is somewhere between a scoff and a laugh.

‘Because Kie, I think I’ve hit on you everyday for the past four years and you’ve always been pretty clear on turning me down.’

‘Well that’s just because I didn’t think you were serious.’

It’s a JJ thing, he’s flirty by nature, would come onto anything with a heartbeat. She never took his advances for anything other than a casual interest in getting in her pants simply because she was a girl and she was there.

‘You hit on everyone JJ. I guess I thought you just wanted to fuck me.’

He flashes her a devilish smirk and watches her with a glint in his eye for a couple seconds before he’s grabbing her by the hips and pulling her towards him.

She playfully screams at his sudden movement but gives into him and lets him pull her onto his lap, straddling him, chest to chest.

JJ gently brushes his nose against her and then moves along her check nuzzling into her skin, his lips brush against her ear are he speaks, quiet and soft, just for her.

‘I do want to fuck you.’

His voice is deep when he whispers, still slightly gravely from sleep, the combination of that and his words, ran though her sending a shiver down spine and ignited something in her. He’d gotten her off five times last night, twice while wrapped around him, the other with his mouth and hands, and last night as they had succumb to exhaustion it had seemed like enough.

Now, however, as she sat in his lap, her leaving inanimate, it seemed like nowhere near enough to make up for lost time, for all the times they won’t get. From the first taste of him she was drunk off it and she wasn’t ready to give it up so soon. 

Coming back to look her in the eye again, JJ spoke against her lips, ‘I just want to do all that other shit too.’

He’d never been perfectly eloquent, not one for words, and maybe what he said could use some work shopping, but they way he said it, with a sweet voice, and soft eyes, and an almost nervous look on his face, sent something completely different, but equally good, though her body. 

It was as if her chest was on fire, she couldn’t work out if it was just the heat from his body radiating into her, or if her heart was literally glowing. Either way she didn’t want to lose that feeling. 

Without taking her eyes off him her hand found his, weaving their fingers together. He offers her a small, unbelievable cute, smile when she does and he squeezes his fingers against her. 

‘And what kind of shit might that be?’ she teases him, matching the softness in his voice. 

‘You know all that romantic couple bullshit. Like holding hands,’ he pulls their hands up beside them as he says the words, ‘and falling asleep next to you.’

He presses a peck to her lips, ‘I might have even taken you on a date.’

‘Wow, you’re just a romantic at heart aren’t you.’

‘Yeah,’ his voice fades out and he looks down at their hands. 

Their fingers play together as he watches, Kie looks down at the hands for a moment as well but focuses on JJ. 

He looks as if he’s contemplating something, biting the inside of his cheek and swallowing thickly. 

‘I was going to ask you to prom you know.’

A blush creeps along his face and he still doesn’t look at her, he seems almost as nervous as if he was actually asking her, waiting for a response that he’s unsure of. 

Hadn’t she been clear enough in what she wanted?

‘Really?’ She responds lamely, ‘that would’ve been fun.’

In a way, they had gone to prom together. His prom, at Kildare County. Really, they went as a group. John B and Sarah were technically dates, and then Kie came along with the other two, but they all went together. It was a fun night, they got unbelievably drunk, somehow managed to not get kicked out, spent most of the night making nuisances of themselves on the dance floor. 

Kie remembers one point in the night when a slow song came on and JJ had pulled her against him and they faked waltzed, complete with over exaggerated movements and clumsy steps. It’s still felt right to be in his arms, laughing uncontrollably, and she had almost kissed him when it was over and he had hesitated at letting her go. He hadn’t hesitated long enough for her, even in her drunken state, to convince herself to take the risk. But now she can’t help but wonder how things would be if she had. 

No regrets. 

‘We had fun away though, right.’

‘Yes we did.’

It’s sad, their voices, the thought. This once happy memory now tainted with _what if_ ’s. Because yeah, they can say _no regrets_ until the cows come home, but she still feels it, it still stirs up in her chest making it tight and ache. 

JJ pushes her hair behind her ear and leans forward to rest his forehead against hers.

‘No regrets, right?’

‘No regrets.’

Kie squeezes her eyes tight shut, trying to will the words to ring true.

‘Don’t you have to leave?’ He mumbles against her lips when she sink down onto him.

‘Are you complaining?’

’No ma’am.’

Their lips stay fused the entire time, savouring every second of their last moments together. The room fills the sounds of their mouths moving together and heavy breathes. The bed creaks as she rises and falls in his lap, she’s sure that the noise is making it’s way down the hall to where she can faintly hear John B and Pope talking, but she can’t bring herself to care. 

Kie grips at JJ’s hair and pulls when his hand winds down between them, pushing her over the edge. He’s not far behind, tensing under her and burring his had into her chest.

They don’t move after, just hold each other trying to catch their breath. Kie nuzzles her nose into the hair on top of JJ’s head, memorising his scent. He must notice when her head turns to the side to check the time.

‘You have to go don’t you?’ JJ mumbles into her chest. 

She nods and breathes out a soft ‘yeah.’

JJ’s arms tighten around her for a moment before loosening, allowing her to move. Kie forces herself to stand, knowing if she doesn’t do it now she never will. He doesn’t move, just sits and watches her as she locates her underwear and shorts and pulls them on. 

Kie hopes to god that despite being late her mother lets her shower, or at the very least change, before they leave. Spending the day travelling in yesterday’s underwear, JJ’s cum slowly seeping into them seems less than ideal. 

She throws JJ’s t-shirt at him after she pulls it over her head and he starts gawking at her bare chest, at least she was subtle about it when she took the opportunity to do it to him earlier. 

He’s looking at the shirt in his hand when she pulls her own on, contemplating, and then when she’s pulling her hair out and trying to tame it the shirt come flying back to her. 

‘Keep it.’

‘If you say it looks better on me-‘

‘It does.’

JJ grins at her and she rolls her eyes despite the smile plastered on her lips. It’s a ratty old blue t-shirt from some fish fry years ago, with countless holes in it, but the age and JJ’s constant use of it has made it soft and thin, it’s comfy and smells like him so Kie’s more than happy to take it.

‘Thanks.’

When she’s ready to head out the door JJ finally gets out of bed, forgoing underwear and a shirt and throwing on a pair of shorts and following her out into the hall.

The second they emerge into the lounge of the chateau they are greeted with a collection of cheer, claps and whistles from Pope and JB who are lazing on the pull out. Instantly Kie’s cheeks redden, her ambivalence about what the boys could hear from before now completely gone, now replaced with embarrassment.

She spins on her heals and pushes her face into JJ’s chest trying to hide from them. He takes pity on her briefly, stoking her hair and placing a kiss on the top of her head, before grabbing her shoulders turning her around and pushing her towards the boys.

‘So Kie,’ John B asks as he stands and makes his way to meet her, ‘do we all get a goodbye like that? Or are you playing favourites now?’

‘Shut the fuck up,’ she responds to his teasing pulling him in for a goodbye hug and kissing him on the cheek.

‘You know, I’m just glad we were only subjected to one night of that,’ Pope adds, ‘imagine if we had to deal with that all the time.’

Ignoring the comment Kie pulls him in the same as John B and pretends she doesn’t see JJ and John B high five, not having the energy to reprimand them right now.

Kie pulls away from Pope and then stands there awkwardly, her gaze flicks to JJ who’s scratching that back of his head and eyeing John B and Pope, who are being purposefully oblivious to his pointed looks.

She clears her throat, ‘okay, well I better get going.’

Reluctantly she steps to JJ, moving to give him a hug like she did the other boys, thankfully he stops her in her tracks.

‘I’ll walk you out,’ JJ shoves his hands in his pockets and quickly looks at John B and Pope who returning with mischievous smiles.

‘Yeah you walk her out JJ.’

‘You’re gonna walk her out so good.’

’Walk her out until she can’t walk no more’

Kie throws them her middle finger as she follows JJ out the door with a teasing, ‘stop being dicks or I’m not coming back to visit.’

She gets a chorus of ‘we love you too, Kie’s from behind her.

When they reach her car JJ pushes her up against it, his arms either side of her trapping her in and kisses her like it will be the last time he ever does. Which maybe it will be. She doesn’t fight it only welcomes his touch, bringing her hands behind his neck and pulling him down closer.

Her phone starts buzzing in her pocket and it pulls away knowing it’s going to be her mum asking where she is.

‘I-‘

‘Yeah I know,’ JJ pulls his forehead away from where it’s resting against hers and presses his lips to it.

He slowly steps away from her and playfully shoves at her shoulder.

‘Now get out of here. I’m sick of the sight of ya.’

It’s classic JJ, deflecting emotion with jokes. She lets him get away with it briefly and lets out a small laughing, hoping it will help. It doesn’t really, because he smiles and her heart hurts thinking about when she’ll see it next.

She beginning to think maybe things would have been easier if last night didn’t happen. If she left without knowing how he felt and she was just saying goodbye to her friend instead of saying goodbye to what could have been, goodbye to his lips and his touch.

Kie bites the side of her lip nervously, ‘you can come visit you know, if you want to.’

‘That’s if you still want me to after you’ve made all you’re cool new collage friends,’ he says it like a joke but his eyes give away the genuine worry brewing in his head.

‘Pouge’s for life, JJ,’ she reassures him and hooks two fingers over the waist band of his shorts and pulls him towards her, placing a peck on his lips, ‘no one could ever replace you guys.’

He uses a finger to curl a piece of her hair behind her ear, ‘don’t forget to call then.’

‘I wouldn't dream of it.’

‘And let me know if anyone gives you any trouble, I’ll come kick their ass for you.

She knows he would, its nice to know she has a sure fire way to get him there if she wants.

‘Of course.’

‘And remember that collage is the perfect time to experiment with your sexuality.’

Her head tilts and lips pursue at that one.

‘And if you want to call me after and tell me all about it that’s okay.’

Kie flicks at his temple in reprimand, he’s been so sweet all morning she almost forgot that he’s still JJ.

‘Pervert.’

‘Yeah, I think that insult might hit a little harder if you weren’t riding me like 10 minutes ago.’

‘What do my poor life decisions have to do with anything?’

‘Oh, I’m a poor life decision now am I?’

‘Totally. I’m regretting it already,’ Kie teased, grabbing onto his shorts waistband again and pulling him in.

JJ hums, leaning in close and brushing his lips against hers, ‘no regrets, remember?’

Her phone cut’s them off again.

Letting out a groan JJ throws his head back and steps away.

She know’s she need’s to leave. If she doesn’t leave now, she’s not going to and that’s not an option. Kie wraps her arms around JJ’s neck pulling him in for a hug and presses a kiss to his cheek.

JJ shoves his hands in his pockets and watches her when she backs out of the Cheatu driveway and offers her a small smile.

If she sheds a tear on the drive home, that’s her business.

When Kie arrives home her mother give’s her an earful about being late, but still relents and let her go shower and change her clothes before they leave.

They’re pulling onto the highway when she checks her phone for the first time that morning, scrolling past the missed calls from her mum and to her messages, some for each of the pouges evidently.

**_John B:_** … wtf ?

**_John B:_** jj is not giving details

**_John B:_** which is totally out of character

**_John B:_** did you fuck the deviant out of him ?

**_Kie:_** Defiantly not.

**_Kie:_** And gross…

**_Kie:_** Why do you want details?

**_John B:_** because what the fuck kie

Kie rolls her eyes and moves on, she’ll talk to him later and tell him the basics. There’s a small swelling in her heart at the thought that JJ Maybank, a guy who’s never kept his mouth shut in his life, is choosing to keep it just between them.

**_Sarah:_** so,, what’s this John B tells me about you and JJ ‘going at it all night’ ?

**_Sarah:_** exPLAIN!

**_Sarah:_** … also finally.

Kie: ;p

**_Kie:_** I’ll call you later

**_Sarah:_** you better!

Sarah was the only one who she told about her feelings for JJ. Okay, she guessed. She’s far more observant than the pouges, and Kie knows that a _I told you so_ is waiting for her on the other side of that phone call. She’d always insisted that JJ was into her too, maybe she should listen to Sarah more often.

**_Pope:_** Can’t believe you two actually sorted your shit out

**_Kie:_** I wouldn’t say that

**_Pope:_** Yeah, well the hickie on JJ’s neck would

She hesitates for a moment.

**_Kie:_** We’re not together.

**_Pope:_** I figured

**_Pope:_** Otherwise it’d be a much different vibe here

**_Pope:_** You okay?

**_Kie:_** Yeah fine

**_Kie:_** How’s JJ?

**_Pope:_** Being JJ

**_Pope:_** Making jokes and pretending he doesn’t have complex emotions

Is it bad that the thought of JJ being upset brings her comfort? 

Probably.

**_JJ:_** im serious about you calling btw

**_Kie:_** I’m serious about you visiting

**_JJ:_** im serious about you giving girls a go

**_Kie:_** I’m serious about you being a pervert

**_JJ:_** you like it ;)

It makes her chuckle, JJ being JJ.

She thinks about joking back but instead settles for the same words he told her last night.

**_Kie:_** I’m going to miss you

Part of her had thought he was going to say something else, part of her still thinks he was going to, part of her wishes he did. The biggest part of her knows it’s good that he didn’t, that she didn’t either no matter how much she feels it. Everything would have been harder, more complicated, if they did. But she hopes he understands, get’s the message behind the words.

**_JJ:_** Im going to miss you too

It feels like the closest thing to a promise that either of them can make.

**Author's Note:**

> I wish I was better at endings... 
> 
> Anyway hope y'all enjoyed :)
> 
> Part of me wants to write a follow up, the other part is looking at the plot for the follow up and saying goddamn I don't have time to write all that.
> 
> hmu on my socials, insta if you wanna chat or see my video edits, tumblr if you wanna send me asks or see my gif sets  
> [Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/shielclmaiden/)(shielclmaiden)  
> [Tumblr](https://hvitstark.tumblr.com/) (hvitstark)


End file.
